maggie and cookies

the wind and the rain come together as a storm
i take out flour, butter, sugar and an egg
which i prepared in advance for such a moment
one after one in the afternoon
i stir them into a cloud
and freeze it a little bit
to make sure it becomes solid
before being shaped


some pots fall on my balcony where
dirt, leaves, egg shells scatter everywhere
i collect them all with a cloth rag
and put them in a plastic bag
my table, my seat
and my green scene then stand
back in its order from chaos


i make a couple of coffee
and taste the cookies i've baken
how lovely the sunshine is
the breeze is gentle as well
throgh the gap between tree leaves
survive the Maggie i see
young boys play basketball happily
on the court

為什麼要走開

起初只是覺得,好像有些什麼東西在身體內部消解了那樣,可以很明顯的感受到原先滿滿支撐自己相信幸福,氣球般不安於室的飛揚,瞬間失速地的朝地面接近,因為不明白哪裡有破綻,便只好延著自己的感覺,不帶情緒地錯過和你道晚安.


或者我的靈魂感受到更多我不知道的隱喻呢?我順從她的意志,想起或許是自己過於天真,那些自以為聰明的虛假,多年來比我的存在更為真實不是嗎?我不應該懷疑你,是我自己拒絕承認看到的事實,於是許多過往的畫面和情節,又再度回來召喚我的孤獨,你不曾使我免於悲傷,而我又回應以止不住的淚水,所有我辛苦建立起來的防備,眼看著一一的潰堤.


我必須花許多的時間安撫我背叛的一部份自己,她總是像母親般的發出警語,要我遠離;是我說沒關係,可以相信你,我是不是用過度的善意扭曲了自己,覺得吃虧,覺得委曲,她才說:我早就告訴過你.而接下來的幾天,我便沒有掙扎地,向她走去.


淚水可以澄清許多表像,那一抽離,使我面對,也許我永遠不可能成為你希望的樣子,我的努力也改變不了深植我內心的莫名恐懼,我究意是理所當然的阻隔愛錯,還是藉故發揮的逃避親密,一種連我也無法看清,駕馭的情緒,不管是哪一種,總有一天,你會找我兌現我做不到的承諾,或者在原諒與重蹈覆轍中,消磨我們對彼此的信任.


如果,你讓一切攤在陽光下,我們會有什麼不同,我害怕我經歷的是可預見的未來,不懂你為什麼要在原本全心全意的心思裡,埋下懷疑的種子.

intimacy

i tried to disconnect you step by step
so that i might leave easier someday
when it came to the end
 
the fewer connections i have with you
nevertheless
only make things  more clearly
it unfolds how much and deeply
i have attached to you
unexpectedly
even without the previous ties which were taken
as clues of knowing you


what indeed makes it work to bound two souls in one
and where does it happen
remain a mystry

one thing i have learned is
there must be something very essential between us
an inexplainable intimacy
rose up in my mind
what i was taught to do is just
focus on us
despite of all the noises
here and there


the only answer to a relationship is
always the person concerned
rather than others.unfortunately,
we used to blame on outsiders
and dare not to introspect the inner world 


if we do
a love might be saved
or might be not
a heart would never die out
and regain the nerve to
reborn

the day after mid-autumn

Are we in the moon
love to feel only us
the lullaby closes my eyes to see you
the answer of my destiny
i accomplish my task this life
and feel complete


it seems certain kind of inexplainable energy has been buried
deep in my memory
and force me to walk away intuitively
it's so foxy and out of control
waht if i couldn't manage to fix myself
the moment you try to keep me
you are my hope to change
help me out

閱讀

一切是如此的沈默
宛如靜止的互相凝視
是出没的姿勢
時間的長度
那流轉不停息的心思
隨著日光的淡去
反覆確認存在
所構成的 一種安祥的狀態

u r a mirror of me

我們回來了
 一個月的魔咒提醒我
多年來我的刺依舊
逼退你的溫柔
走在即將墜落的隘口


目睹著你的離去的身影
如此陌生  有力
那裡可有我熟悉的心思
遠得我追趕不及
只好蹲坐原地
究竟我錯過的是什麼
滲出幾滴懊悔
能否軟化我的尖銳
你的憤怒


不能再走了  只差一步 


你這才轉身問
把手給我不?
我的眼睛亳不遲疑地點點頭
多虧了你總是知道如何
為我的混沌找出答案
不知道怎麼去擁抱
卻固執地得不到你的愛
不肯罷休


相較於你的大動作
愛了就說
說了就不退縮
我顯得如此笨拙
牽著我學你走


選在安靜的午后
一起喝杯茶
共聽一場雨的帶來的消息
輕輕地  來來回回地
滴滴答答地
訴說著我愛你


撥撩起 莫名的一陣暖意
想被佔有的身體
互相凝視的情慾
交融成被寵壞般的滿足
久違的  以為失去
黏黏膩膩   是的
我們又回來了